I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
where are my eyebrows?
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