Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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