I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
