Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just cropdusted the office
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
