Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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