Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
