I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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