I wish you could order shots online.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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