I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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