I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't deserve a penis
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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