we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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