Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
