I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
