true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
