Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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