did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize