Will you blow on my dice?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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