Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
