This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
