I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
from now on my penis is your penis
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
