so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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