The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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