Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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