Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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