thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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