You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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