there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
