my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
