I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize