I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
