I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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