i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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