It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
