why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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