p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
