You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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