How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
