If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
