I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
