Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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