Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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