wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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