this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
