Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
