i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
