you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize