So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
