Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
