I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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