dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
