I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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