she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
