WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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