My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize