I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
