I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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