We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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