I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
