On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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