Jerry, you need to find god
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
