Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
