Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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