My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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