i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
