Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize