From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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