so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
