So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
