but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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