Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
