talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
