I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
