The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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