I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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