Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...

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(434): View more from Virginia

Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

Fav 32 1976 4218
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(972): View more from Texas

**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**

Fav 58 2105 4589
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

Fav 23 6217 1001
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.

Fav 20 6257 893
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me

Fav 12 3404 803
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.

Fav 32 1656 5188
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(309): View more from Illinois

Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.

Fav 2 704 1596
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(914): View more from New York

My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.

Fav 1 84 19
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