I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize