What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
