I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
